They say “Just like a shoe, when someone is meant for you, they will fit just perfectly. No forcing, no struggling and no pain”.
That could be true for shoes, but definitely not for humans.
Nobody really fits ‘perfectly’. First you meet this person whose background, upbringing, behavior and perspective on life are all different from yours. That in itself, makes it impossible for them to ‘fit just perfectly’.
Then comes the simple fact of gender differences. One is male, the other female; and you’d agree that in many things, we operate somewhat, poles apart.
An unawareness of these basic, fundamental facts
has led many relationships and marriages to untold hardships; the expectation for a ‘perfect’ fit.
To expect ‘no forcing, no struggling and no pain’ is, at least, naïve and at most destructive. This is not to say that all of these are an ‘okay’ part of any relationship or marriage but let’s be real:
What does a couple do about things they don’t exactly agree on? They ‘force’ themselves to meet at the middle. That forcing has in it some ‘struggle’, and of course, there’s ‘pain’ sometimes, when we hurt each other knowingly or unknowingly. It is what it is.
We’re our only perfect fit. We act, respond, think, feel like ourselves, obviously, but we don’t get to marry ourselves right? We might as well get ready for some forcing, struggling and pain, and decide in advance, that all of it doesn’t have to take away our peace; that it’s not a sign our relationships are bad; it just requires work.
You’ve heard that there are no perfect relationships or marriages. It doesn’t necessarily mean that those involved are unhappy.
In my life’s drama, I’ve found out that it doesn’t take ‘perfect’ to be happy.